TEENAGE THINKING

I am the mother of three teenagers, with a fourth one closing in. I have also been working with, and teaching teens for over eighteen years now. It never ceases to amaze me how all things change, except “teenage thinking.” (Though technically, the term is an “oxy-moron.”) All kids enter their teenage years with the same thought… “My childhood is behind me, adulthood is within my reach, I know it all and NOTHING can stop me now!” Evidence of this “teenage thinking” is in the Word of God. 2 Samuel 13 is a very sad story of how people “think” they can handle anything. They always underestimate the powers of this world. Amnon is a perfect example of this.

I. The power of the flesh. (II Sam. 13:1-2)

Amnon thought he was invincible, and old enough to handle whatever came his way. (Heads up parents, there are full grown adults, over 30 who cannot handle some of the situations that life throws at them.) Like any young person, he battled with self-control. He may very well have longed to be Spirit-controlled, but on this day he was not. The Bible says he “fell sick for his sister.” We know he battled because it also says he “thought it hard for him to do anything to her.” One would hope that if your son or daughter found themselves in such a state that they would seek “wise” counsel. Such was NOT the case with Amnon (nor most teens.)

II. The persuasion of the friend. (vv. 3-5)

Jonadab was subtle. He said wise things like, “God wants all his children to be happy.” Or “you deserve to be happy.” Or even better, “it’s just this once.” The next thing we know, Amnon has raped his sister. Over these past 18 years, I can’t even tell you how many teens have been led away by a “friend.” Sometimes, it is the teen’s fault but a lot of times the situations could have been avoided had they been properly monitored by their parents. Parents fail to find out where their teen is, and WHOM they are with. Knowing your children’s friends is not enough. You need to know that teenager's parents too. If they are not “like-believing” then your teenager’s time with them should either be limited or monitored, and maybe even discontinued should their influence be more worldly, than godly. If the parents do not believe the same, then your child may very well learn things that you never intended them to learn. Teenage years are FULL of life-changing choices, and vulnerability. Even though teenagers claim they know everything,… they don’t! And when they need advice, they may not ask you, they might ask their friend, or their friend’s parents.

III. The penalty that follows.

Amnon had NO WAY of knowing where this choice would take him or how it would affect others in his life. He has marred his sister and now his brother is angry. This one CHOICE caused Amnon to lose his own life. Young people have a tendency to be very near-sighted. Everything around them looks fun, and exciting. If you are a parent who sets boundaries, then everything looks even more inviting to your child. You have probably heard, or will hear, “everyone else is going, or doing it, or wearing it, Etc…” Teens seldom consider the effect that a last minute decision will have on their future. (Well, did you?) That is why they need good, Godly leadership. They need godly parents who will keep them faithful in a KJV 1611 Bible, preaching church, with a hell-fire and damnation pastor, and God-honoring teachers. (Hint: you want your kids to have the kind of teachers that would protect your child, like you would, when you are not around. The kind that is not afraid to say, “no”, no matter who you are.) Godly music matters too. Please do not try to tell me that music was never a part of your teen years. PLEASE! If you start them out with the right kind, it is a little easier, I’ll admit, but if you didn’t, then start now. Music does affect your child’s soul and attitude. Most parents (including Christian ones) think “not my kid” and say things like, “My kid would never…..” Listen, there is not a teenager alive that cannot do wrong. Nor is there one that will not make a wrong choice once in a while. And they ALL lie! (eyes rolling here) Parents who believe their kid will not lie make working with teens even harder (especially the Christian ones.)

IV. The pain that affects the family.

When we reach the end of 2 Samuel 13, there is soooo much turmoil. We see a soiled daughter, which causes separated brothers, that leads to a son’s death, and ends with the sadness of parents.

If I could get just ONE thing through to teenagers it would be this. “NOTHING YOU DO AFFECTS JUST YOU!” In all fairness to teenagers, there are soooooo many adults that think they can just do and say whatever they want. They trample the grace of God and test his mercy right in front of their own kids. So it is not a wonder to me when a teenager thinks they can do the exact same thing. The polluted mind thinks, “Hey! I am saved, so I am safe.” WRONG! While we do serve an awesome God, who died for our sins, and loves us beyond measure, and keeps us saved,…. He is still a jealous God. He does NOT like it when we put anything else before him. If you want your kids to do right, then as the parent, YOU have to do right, FIRST, and in front of them. Don’t you just know that David was wishing he could take back all that happened in 2 Samuel 11 & 12? Any good father would have. Don't you believe that had David known how his choices were going to affect ALL his children, that he would have reconsidered them? I would hope so.

Now, I am preaching to myself here too. I am not done raising children. I still have seven years before my “baby” will be twenty. But that time will fly! I am sure that I will make mistakes, as a parent. I am sure they will make some mistakes as teens. How could they not? They are 50% their dad and 50% their mom, neither of which are perfect, they are BOUND to mess up! I have told them that I will give them every opportunity, that I can, to do right. But I promise you this…. If they decide to purposely do wrong, they will have to trample over the Word of God, knock down their praying mother, push aside their godly grandparents and walk over a pretty tough great-grandmother to do it. Not to mention the numerous, godly men and women that they have been privileged to meet along our life’s journey. These are people who I KNOW pray for them every day, and not just that, but LIVE IT in front of my children. The fight is on Christian parent. The devil wants your teen so that he can sift them like wheat. To quote a great song, “Gird your armor on, and polish up that sword! If there ever was a time to fight, it’s now!”

Lent or Loaned?

I Samuel 1:27-28 “For this child I prayed; and the LORD hath given me my petition which I asked of him: Therefore also I have lent him to the LORD; as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD.”

Most parents know little of what it is they do, when they stand before a church congregation and dedicate their children to the Lord. If they were to go back to Hannah’s day and live in accordance with what she meant when she uttered these words, they might actually think twice before doing it. Today’s dedication of children is more “ceremonial” like that of a Catholic baby baptism than it is an actual “dedication.” They want to stand in front of the church and show off their precious newborn infant, and have their picture taken as the pastor prays over their family, but most (I will not say all, …but most) have absolutely no idea what true dedication is. Dedication defined is, “The act of consecrating for a sacred use; giving wholly to; to set apart.” Let me define “consecrate” for you while I am here. Consecrate means, “To set apart, or devote to the service and worship of God.”

Giving back to God this precious life that he has allowed you to bring into the world, is a serious matter. (See Ecc. 5:4-5) And doing it before “these many witnesses” is important too. It is as serious as the marriage vow you take! (Maybe that is the reason they don’t get it. Most people today have no idea what a “vow” is either…. But I digress.) When Hannah made this vow (I Sam. 1:11) to God, she knew exactly what it meant. So much that she packed her precious baby boy up and sent him to live with the preacher! She knew that making a vow to the Lord was a serious matter! God had given her the child for which she had prayed and she had to keep her end of the bargain, and give him back! She says, “…as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the LORD.” So let me define “lent” for you. Lent means “to permit to use for another’s benefit.” Today’s parents want to “loan” but not “lend.” The difference is about who gets the interest, and the glory from it all. When you “loan” something, it is because you want something in return. Some sort of compensation, or condition is attached to the agreement or else you want what is yours back! That, my friend, is NOT “dedication or consecration.”

I am not the perfect parent, and my children are not fully grown, so I have many miles to go in this life, when it comes to raising children. They are not the perfect children either. How could they be? They have the same sinful nature that their parents were born with. I am sure that there are parents that could share their heartaches, and war-stories, that have been at this far longer than I, and I appreciate that fact. However, the point here, is that when you give your child to God, you have to LET God have him! Yes, it is going to be hard. Yes, the road is long. Yes, they do not always take the path that is right. Yes, you will have to punish them and even see God punish them. All that is true, but if you vowed before God Almighty, and a congregation of witnesses to give that child wholly to the Lord, for HIS honor and glory, then you better LET GO and LET GOD (to use a common phrase.) This does not mean that you walk along in silence and let your child say or do what they want. This does not mean that you have to let them “taste of the world” because of whatever stupid choices YOU made when you were their age! It means you follow God, while your child follows you. And you GUARD their steps (as well as your own) and REMOVE the obstacles, or stumbling blocks, whenever it is within your power to do it.

This past Sunday, my oldest son, Jon Groves, preached the Sunday morning message at our church. As he entered the pulpit, it dawned on me that this very day EXACTLY seventeen years ago, I brought him to church for the VERY FIRST time (he was 5 days old.) The thought overwhelmed me to tears. When I dedicated Jon to the Lord, I had no idea where I would be seventeen years later. Little did I know that day the many joys this child would bring me. Little did I know the heartaches, and disappointments that he would have to suffer on his own. Little did I know he would have three siblings soon to follow. Little did I know what God had in store for us. To God be the glory!

Though I like to reminisce of first words, first smiles, first steps, it is Jon’s spiritual growth that amazes me the most. God has allowed me to be present at almost every one. I was there when he quoted his first verse (Eph.6:1) and actually KNEW what it meant! I was there when he accepted Christ as his Saviour (age 4 1/2), and when he was baptized. I was there when he sang his first solo, played his first offertory, and played for the congregational singing too! I was there (at McDonald’s play-land, age 7) when he led his first soul to Christ. I was there when he surrendered to preach, and when he preached his first message. There are even some evangelists out there that have taken Jon's outlines from his blog and preached them at churches in other states! (A little bragging there:)) I have watched over the years as the Lord has allowed him to master several instruments, most of which he taught to himself. I am not bragging on me, I am just glad I got to be there. To God be the glory!

That afternoon, July 5, 2009, after he preached, I had to return Jon to Kentucky so he could finish his summer, working at Camp Victory. As I was thinking about all the many blessings over these seventeen years, I turned and smiled at him. He asked, “What?” I just said, “It seems appropriate that on this day, it’s just me and you.” To God be the glory!